This question has been asked gazillion times to me! It’s like people are just surprised that I am still single!?! Sometimes it’s flattering but more often it’s a bit annoying.
Ironically, back then it wasn’t difficult for me to be in a relationship — it wasn’t because I wasn’t choosy, nor I was some kinda hot chic but I guess when you’re young and a little bit stupid, your parameters in choosing a partner was a lot simpler like — is he good looking? does he make me laugh? is he taller than me (by the way I’m 5’4 and a 5’7 when wearing heels haha)? do I enjoy his company? and if I’m physically attracted to him? So those are just really an easy checklist, right!
When I was a kid, I always dreamt about walking down the aisle and marrying the man of my dreams. I imagine it like in fairytale – where I am wearing this beautiful long white dress with a shining crystal tiara on my head, while my Prince looking so handsome in his white suit and stands in awe as he sees me walk the aisle. We couldn’t help but just look at each other’s eyes as if it was only us in the room. It felt like the world had stop for awhile so we can cherish that moment a little bit longer. We were just so in love and we didn’t want that moment to end! Hayyyyst! Such a lovely impossible dream! haha
So wait! It doesn’t connect the dots right? Ok let’s start all over again…. Let me begin with describing “me”. Well, I am just an average looking gal, who knows a bit of many things like singing, dancing, playing guitar, writing, story telling, song composition, public speaking, driving car and motorcycle, sports – running, table tennis, badminton, volleyball, basketball and so much more…. you can imagine me like a big picture puzzle with these bits of puzzle pieces. You know one of the things that makes it interesting is that, these bits of pieces of me made me a little bit more attractive as an average gal which probably the reason why it was so easy for me to be in a relationship back then. But you know despite of, I would say I only had 4 serious relationship in a span of 41 years. Yes! I am 41! Can you believe that???? haha
I can say that those 4 serious relationship was like 4 seasons of my love life. The first one I considered was when I was in highschool – it was more of like a puppy love, but since I was so much in love back then, then it’s consider as my first! Though it didn’t hurt me so much when we separated (well as far as I can recall). Then second one was when I was in College, and that was pretty much intense. I had to go against the will of my Dad just to be with this guy but eventually we broke up because of his infidelity! My heart was just so broken when we separated. It was my first trauma in falling in love. The 3rd guy was someone I couldn’t imagine myself to be in love with. But eventually I did fall for him. He wasn’t the guy I’m attracted physically but his personality was his greatest talent plus he always makes me laugh which I really love. But this guy was the one who damaged me the most. He broke my heart so bad that I wasn’t the same person after we broke up. It took me 4 years to finally move on and be in a relationship. It was just devastating. So here comes the 4th guy. I thought he was the one I will finally marry but unfortunately despite being together for 7 years, it still didn’t work. Our relationship was like a rollercoaster ride. It was going up and down until we finally reached the end of the cycle. He was the only person who have taught me to love myself more than others, to enjoy my life and everything that surrounds it. He had his flaws but I guess a forgiving heart could have surpassed that. I wasn’t that time. I was so damaged from my previous relationship that trusting someone becomes harder and tougher. Well my last relationship have taught me so much — that being in a relationship means you always choose to trust and have faith to your partner. It’s a continuous process of choosing to love your partner despite all his/her imperfections. And that’s love. You don’t need to force anything, you just need to be constantly patient until both of you will be walking in the same pace. It’s never about questioning who loves more, but rather are you committed to accept that person as is. So going back to the question, why am I still single? Well, I know I am ready but I haven’t found that person I can be committed to accept yet. I want a relationship that will last. I’m just gone through the stage of “play”. What I want is something I can hold on to forever. But until then, I will continuously pray to God for that someone. I know it won’t be too long…. everything in God’s time!